Courtney Stodden Rides Again, Is A Beautiful Corpse Bride
April 3, 2013 § 3 Comments
The vast majority of the articles I’ve read about Courtney Stodden fall into one of two categories. Either they are written in hushed, disgusted tones, or they are punctuated with wide-eyed OMG WTFs. In almost every case, Stodden’s celebrity is framed as unwarranted, inscrutable, and quite possibly a sign of the apocolypse.
But bah I say. BAH! The correct answer is to marvel at Stodden’s pitch-perfect embodiment of the sensationalism and exploitainment that quite literally drives the contemporary mediascape forward. Courtney Stodden is the raw amalgam of every television series TLC has ever produced; she is the Daily Mail in human form; she is, in short, what click-based ad revenue would look like, if click-based ad revenue looked like a person. She is perfect and beautiful and we deserve her.
And with that, I give you her most glorious photo shoot to date: her full-frontal spread with corpse fetish website Girls and Corpses. NSFW, obviously, but worth every penny — and do savor the detail that the featured corpse is named “Doug.”
The Courtney Stodden Performance Art Show Continues
March 9, 2013 § Leave a Comment
My hero Courtney Stodden (no really; check out this article in which I bestow upon her flaxen crown the title of honorary troll) has recently taken to posting nuanced character studies/profiles in courage to her must-watch-TV YouTube channel. This week she tries her hand at “Courtland,” her fictional half sister. “At least I have half of my fucking dignity left,” she explains, which made me want to invite the budding thespian to my wedding. She continues: “I’m not going to my judgmental place, but I’m from Washington State, ok?”
Courtney, you are sunshine on a cloudy day. Don’t ever, EVER change.
Art, Party of Stodden
February 10, 2013 § 2 Comments
I was traveling this past week and ended up stranded in Orange County for an extra day due to SNOWPOCALYPSE. I finally made it home last night, and this morning woke up to this masterpiece — my hero Courtney Stodden is at it again, this time with a glamorous music video. A glamorous music video for the AGES.
A Courtney Stodden Sex Video?? Pass the Jalapeno Poppers, It’s ON!!!
August 31, 2012 § 4 Comments
The good news is, now that she’s 18, it’s no longer creepy! LOL SURE OK!!
From the Superficial:
So if you’re wondering how long it will take for Courtney Stodden to jump on one of the four porn offers she received on her 18th birthday, immediately. Almost immediately. TMZ reports:
Stodden just called in to “TMZ Live” … and told us she’s been “flooded” with XXX offers from the moment she became “legal” … and the thought of her getting intimate with another man is freaking out her 52-year-old hubby. Still, Court says … “I’m not gonna say yes right now … and I’m not gonna say no.”
I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN????
My Life is Officially Complete.
July 31, 2012 § Leave a Comment
America’s beauty rose is finally getting her own reality show. This is great news! For those of you who think I’m kidding, trust me, I’m as serial as a lip-lick loop! For proof and also a recap of my love, go to here.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE STODDEN
April 27, 2012 § Leave a Comment
OH GOD DRAGONS
I think Courtney Stodden is in danger you guys. What if she falls and scuffs her knee? What if she’s unable to escape the dragon that appears to be chasing her? What if she’s being cyberbullied by a 14 year old on Twitter AS WE SPEAK? At 17 years old, Stodden is in constant hypothetical danger. Good news though, a beefed-up CISPA just passed in the House, including revised language subsuming “the children” under “cybersecurity.” You can breathe a sigh of relief, CourtCourt, now anybody who so much as thinks a nasty thing about you could be subject to limitless government search. Per Techdirt:
Previously, CISPA allowed the government to use information for “cybersecurity” or “national security” purposes. Those purposes have not been limited or removed. Instead, three more valid uses have been added: investigation and prosecution of cybersecurity crime, protection of individuals, and protection of children. Cybersecurity crime is defined as any crime involving network disruption or hacking, plus any violation of the CFAA.
Basically this means CISPA can no longer be called a cybersecurity bill at all. The government would be able to search information it collects under CISPA for the purposes of investigating American citizens with complete immunity from all privacy protections as long as they can claim someone committed a “cybersecurity crime”. Basically it says the 4th Amendment does not apply online, at all. Moreover, the government could do whatever it wants with the data as long as it can claim that someone was in danger of bodily harm, or that children were somehow threatened—again, notwithstanding absolutely any other law that would normally limit the government’s power.
This is excellent news. Nothing is more precious to us than OUR CHILDREN, particularly of the teenage child bride variety. But Courtney Stodden won’t be the only beneficiary of Congress’ largesse. We ALL stand to win, particularly given the difficulty of knowing exactly how old people are online. You hear that, anyone who’s ever said anything rude to anyone on the internet? THEY MIGHT BE 17. In conclusion, CISPA is an excellent piece of legislation designed to provide legal avenues of pushback against political dissent protect our children and make the internet as locked down safe a place as possible. You guys are the worst best!
Three Day Roundup
April 18, 2012 § Leave a Comment
Due to an irrational fear of touching or being touched by butter (not kidding), this video makes me want to start crying.
It’s nice to see a kid so young be so poised and articulate! All those years of pageants have really paid off.
In Miley Cyrus news, looks like somebody needs to lay off the damn Salvia.
Speaking of Salvia:
Oh and Dick Clark died.
My Christmas Eves will never be the same
So yeah, it’s been pretty quiet on the blogging front due to finishing the line edits on my dissertation. I haven’t had much space in my head for any more words than absolutely necessary. I have however had several outstanding television experiences, including the actually genius Food Network show Sweet Genius. Not since Too Cute has a show made me so happy.
It’s not the cooking I care about, it’s the derangement. Chef Ron gives contestants really weird ingredients to work with, shit like wheatgrass and duck meat, and even weirder inspiration pieces, for example “sand” and “Chinese Dragon Head” and then is like MAKE ME A CHOCOLATES LOL.
One show that made me WAT into my soup was this hot mess, about a Spanish woman named Tania Head who told everyone she’d been on the 76th floor of the second WTC tower and had survived against all odds. She became the poster-lady for the 9/11 Survivor Network, and even was asked to speak at the memorial for the guy who she claimed saved her life. Despite the fact that she’d never stepped foot in the US until 2003. And had never been inside the World Trade Center. And, you know, wasn’t a survivor. To say that I don’t even is the understatement of the year.
I am going to write something about the dissertation tomorrow, for now all of my thinking parts hurt.
Troll Troll Everywhere a Troll
April 16, 2012 § Leave a Comment
Just in time for Halloween, aka anytime Courtney Stodden does anything, here is a description of the new thing I’m doing for Modern Primate:
The following is part of a series on Honorary Trolls, individuals singularly talented in the art of controversy. Some Honorary Trolls are actual trolls, others have a score to settle, and others simply make poor life choices! Whatever their motivations, there are many lulz to be had. Join me, will you?
Kicking off the fun is my profile of the lovely and graceful Courtney Stodden, which is based on an earlier thing I posted here like 50 years ago. PRESCIENT, I know.
When most people talk about Courtney Stodden, it’s usually through sixteen lenses of WTF. And with very good reason: after she and her walking X-File of a husband made their love public (apparently their first night as a married couple was as passionate and erotic as everyone in America was trying desperately trying not to imagine, for fear of immediate imprisonment), the two started ratcheting up the lolwut at an exponential rate.
For the rest go to here!
Sensual Easter Seduction
April 6, 2012 § Leave a Comment
THOSE AREN'T REESE'S EGGS
As if we needed further proof, Courtney Stodden is a holiday icon.
Absolutely No Comment
March 26, 2012 § Leave a Comment
More on Stodden’s choice to saturate with love, not steak sauce here!
