FFS

January 21, 2012 § Leave a comment

Looks like there’s a new SOPA in town, and this time it’s global. FIRE UP YOUR FUN GUNS, INTERNET.

MOAR LIKE NOPA

January 20, 2012 § Leave a comment

I can only imagine how confusing the SOPA pushback was to all the bejowled Congressional slop-monsters who love intellectual property so very much and are never gonna give it up, no matter how nonsensical the legal definition of the term might become. I’m sure they thought that taking a bite out of cybercrime would be “good for business,” because that is the most important thing, in America.

Having never stepped foot onto this Internet contraption the aids who maintain their Twitter accounts are always “twatting” about, however, they had no way of knowing that by drafting their enormously stupid bills they were in fact threatening people’s ability to fuck around at work. And if there is one thing Americans simply will not stand for, it’s being told that they cannot giggle at Full House slowdown videos on their employers’ dimes. There will always be death, there will always be taxes, and as long as there’s an internet there will always be people ready to throw themselves into a volcano rather then relinquish their jollies to the Man.

After all, and this is why I was never worried about SOPA passing, people are more invested in their playtime than any other time, including the time other people’s children might spend fighting in unjust and oops illegal wars, which as you may have noticed are still, like, things, and even 10 years later haven’t generated the same kind of sweeping, organized, we’re-mad-as-hell-and-we-won’t-be-taking-no-for-an-answer scorched Congress protests as pushback against the fun-killers. Obviously the protests generally and blackout specifically were about much more than JUST FUN, and obviously there were protests against the wars (I realize this comparison is apples-ish to oranges), but fun was one of the main reasons so many otherwise ostrich-headed citizens got involved. Because take mah Facebooks away!? NEEVRRRRAR!!

This is good, and trust me I am very glad, but damn. If there’d been more of this eight years ago (and granted web culture was still in its infancy then, I’m just being wistful GET OFF MY NUTS) we may not  have found ourselves in such embarrassingly dire political straits, which we’re still trying to drag our bloody foreclosed carcasses out of.

But yay still, because fuck SOPA.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

January 19, 2012 § Leave a comment

In important election news, SAMUEL L JACKSON HAS HAD IT WITH ALL THESE MONEY-GRUBBIN SUPER PACS MESSIN WITH HIS MONDAY TO FRIDAY ELECTION. Vote Herman Cain!

This is unrelated (my brain has been unrelated all this week) but due to the lulzpit I’ve fallen in this week (ditto), I haven’t had a chance to comment on Paula Deen’s heroic battle with the diabetes she gave herself, for profit. Novo, y’all!

Video possibly related?

Video definitely related.

Here the Pirate Bay talks SOPA.

viavia, via, via

In LOL STFU News

January 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

The ghost of Jack Valenti would be proud

Oh no you guys, the MPAA doesn’t approve of today’s internet-wide SOPA protest/blackout. DON’T BE CORPORATE PAWNS YOU GRASSROOTS ASSHOLES, BE CORPORATE LOBBYISTS INSTEAD!

via

Good News, Memories, and Laughing at Celebrities

January 16, 2012 § Leave a comment

What can I say, old people swearing makes me smile.

For some reason I enjoy playing “who’s nice and who’s mean” while looking at these pics, which was my favorite childhood game/social science experiment where I’d stand on a street somewhere waving at cars to see who waved back.

Also, SOPA=DOA. Not really surprising, given how unconstitutional and ridiculous the whole thing was/would have been. Still! This is excellent news.

Speaking of internet, this is the only to watch the Golden Globes, or any dumb awards show. Let’s stop pretending they’re good for anything except making fun of rich people, and photobombing.

You Guys It’s Called Capitalism

December 24, 2011 § Leave a comment

Yesterday GoDaddy caved to pressure from THE INTERNET re: SOPA and rescinded its support of History’s Shittiest Bill. Today people are still mad, madder even, because they see this move as pandering and transparently cynical. Their reversal just proves that GoDaddy only care about themselves, therefore we must continue our boycott!

I don’t disagree with this at all. Pandering and transparently cynical move is pandering and transparently cynical. Still, I’m sort of like — oh wait, you mean GoDaddy crunched some numbers and made a business decision? aka that’s what companies DO, they pander and are transparently cynical. Why is this surprising or especially upsetting to anyone? And jesus, if profit motivation is the criterion for boycotting a service provider, then we better……I don’t know, start building a spaceship?

I’m certainly not suggesting that we haplessly shrug into our soup while corporate slop monsters piss in our hair and smash all our electronic equipment with cardboard cutouts of Miley Cyrus (it’s a party in the USA, y’all!). We should push back against what we can push back against, and disrupt all of the things we’re able to disrupt. But it’s not just GoDaddy that’s fucked up, it’s the entire system. In this case, the market serves our interests — GoDaddy doesn’t want to lose any more money, and so they pulled their support for shitty SOPA. For now, and by “now” I mean “this legislative round,” this is a win. Hurray?

One Does Not Simply Walk Into Internet

December 23, 2011 § Leave a comment

#nicetryassholes

This is awesome (for those of you too lazy to click the clicky, GoDaddy aka where god makes all the web domains is rescinding its support of shitty SOPA due to online pushpack), though of course now we’ll have to listen to Reddit brag about having single-handedly saved the internet, again. Whatever though, I’ll take it!

TL;DR LOL @ GUBMINT SLOP MONSTERS + CORPORATE FAILPIGS

Video related, it’s what all the fuss is about, indirectly!

via

Your Mom Has an Ice Finger of Death

November 23, 2011 § Leave a comment

This is pretty cool you guys!

Also, you know your shitty bill is a piece of shit when even Microsoft is like……..don’t you think you’re being a bit rash?? Speaking of rashes.

I love reading liveblogs where the liveblogger is liveblogging so angry. Money quote:

  • 9:40 PM — Elderly crowd now fully asleep, livebloggers near death, not even Wine & Marijuana & Irish Breakfast Tea can save us now.

No shit Sherlock, I've been wearing penis-heels and sperm-hats for YEARZ

A Possible Silver Lining

November 17, 2011 § 2 Comments

CYBERCRIME

Here’s a nice, and nicely bitter, post about the Protect Walt Disney and Stop Online Anything acts — which as I said yesterday are pretty much the worst (most short-sighted, cynical, herp-derp freedom hatin) things that could be done to the Internet (capital I because in this case we’re also talking infrastructure). On the other hand, part of me thinks that a swift passage of something as fascist and terrible as these bills might actually be GOOD for the i/Internet, in the long run. Because these bills would end up negatively affecting even casual internet users, and when Joe the Emailer ends up Effed in the A for, like, going online, then you’re more likely to see the kind of dissent that might force cooler heads to prevail. Additionally, the second either law is passed it’ll be challenged, and when it’s challenged the gubment will have no choice but to “make an example of someone” (i.e. an 11 year-old Star Wars fan) and you can bet your bippy that every free speech legal whoever will descend on the case and make sure it gets kicked up higher and higher, and it will be a circus, and seeing as the laws could absolutely and in all likelihood WILL result in censorship, and not just of the “FAWKS NOOZ WON’T LET ME TALK MY TALKING POINT” variety, I can’t imagine they’ll hold legal water and/or could withstand the impending grassroots deluge.

Obviously, it would be better if the bills never make it out of Congress. But if they do, we’re not entirely screwed just yet, in fact, might be able to generate some really important discussions & actually do something to protect our beloved internet, verily the land of milk and honey and cats and penises and everything else that is awesome and weird and in all seriousness worth defending.

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