CISPA Update Y’all

April 28, 2012 § Leave a comment

Since I posted my thing about the thing yesterday, many an online conversation hath flourished in the yelling parts of the internet (aka all of it). News of CISPA’s swift and surreptitious passage in the House had JUST hit the wires, and people were making sense of the information as it arrived. 24 hours have passed, which equals about 2 weeks in internet-time, and things certainly aren’t looking up but they are looking somewhat less horrible, sort of. As Leigh Beadon at Techdirt explains in an update of his original post, some people have been like WOAH OK LOOK, this isn’t the end of the world just yet, amendment 6 actually limits CISPA’s reach. Maybe, except there’s also this:

Basically, the amendment closes a loophole but opens a door. It takes away some of the language that allows overreach of the bill, but then explicitly endorses the exact things people were worried the government would do with that language—as in, start using the data to investigate and build cases against American citizens without regard for the laws that would normally protect their privacy.

In other words……….I don’t even know. The bill is still awful, but is awful for the precise reasons its authors are trying to make it less awful. Which is confusing?



April 27, 2012 § Leave a comment


I think Courtney Stodden is in danger you guys. What if she falls and scuffs her knee? What if she’s unable to escape the dragon that appears to be chasing her? What if she’s being cyberbullied by a 14 year old on Twitter AS WE SPEAK? At 17 years old, Stodden is in constant hypothetical danger. Good news though, a beefed-up CISPA just passed in the House, including revised language subsuming “the children” under “cybersecurity.”  You can breathe a sigh of relief, CourtCourt, now anybody who so much as thinks a nasty thing about you could be subject to limitless government search. Per Techdirt:

Previously, CISPA allowed the government to use information for “cybersecurity” or “national security” purposes. Those purposes have not been limited or removed. Instead, three more valid uses have been added: investigation and prosecution of cybersecurity crime, protection of individuals, and protection of children. Cybersecurity crime is defined as any crime involving network disruption or hacking, plus any violation of the CFAA.

Basically this means CISPA can no longer be called a cybersecurity bill at all. The government would be able to search information it collects under CISPA for the purposes of investigating American citizens with complete immunity from all privacy protections as long as they can claim someone committed a “cybersecurity crime”. Basically it says the 4th Amendment does not apply online, at all. Moreover, the government could do whatever it wants with the data as long as it can claim that someone was in danger of bodily harm, or that children were somehow threatened—again, notwithstanding absolutely any other law that would normally limit the government’s power.

This is excellent news. Nothing is more precious to us than OUR CHILDREN, particularly of the teenage child bride variety. But Courtney Stodden won’t be the only beneficiary of Congress’ largesse. We ALL stand to win,  particularly given the difficulty of knowing exactly how old people are online. You hear that, anyone who’s ever said anything rude to anyone on the internet? THEY MIGHT BE 17. In conclusion, CISPA is an excellent piece of legislation designed to provide legal avenues of pushback against political dissent protect our children and make the internet as locked down safe a place as possible. You guys are the worst best!


April 20, 2012 § Leave a comment

Here, let the nice people on the internet teevee tell you about the next terrible thing.

Zuckerberg + CISPA = <3

April 12, 2012 § Leave a comment


If there’s anything we can learn from THE SOPA and THE ACTA, it’s that’s Reddit’s already REALLY MAD ABOUT THIS!!!! Verily I am tenting my fingers.

Click here for further info-lulzment. The cheezburger aka copyright monster par excellence macro is a nice touch!

The Internet is a Many-Splendored Thing

April 11, 2012 § Leave a comment

Hey look everybody, by embedding the above video, I’m in copyright violation! At least according to these smart representatives from the MPAA, who have used the internet before!

In other internet news, smart people with lots of numbers in their heads are thinking that all the hot Facebook on Instagram action is the harbinger for a third venture capital-fueled bubble, because we never fucking learn do we?

Speaking of never learning, check out SOPA’s little sister, CISPA! It’s got “cyber” in the title so you know it’s serious. It also files copyright infringement under “threats to cybersecurity,” because what could be a greater threat to security than using the internet?

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